the summer i was ten

[deepest_magic]

Bella is ten. School has let out; she spends one week at the beach with Renée, celebrating, and then from there Renée drives her up to Forks, and drops her off, with many hugs. Charlie picks her up, with some hugs, although not as many; it's not his way. Bella settles in for the summer. It is, if nothing else, cooler up here.

Comments

[deepest_magic]

"Okay. I'm not sure what else to say without concrete examples to work though. It would be like teaching someone to add without any numbers, only this is more personal so I can't just make up some numbers."

[neverbeatme]

"Hmm," muses Elizabeth. "Maybe it's just not the kind of thing you can teach right when you decide to. Because the actual stuff to write about, the 'numbers', isn't there."

[deepest_magic]

"Maybe. So I guess you should let me know next time you have a thing to process or decide or change about yourself?"

[neverbeatme]

"How do you decide what to change about yourself?"

[deepest_magic]

"I notice something's not - working. When I'm just sort of flailing around like a turtle on its back, or worse, and I need a way to flip over and accomplish stuff from there."

[neverbeatme]

"...I don't think I've ever done that," says Elizabeth.

[deepest_magic]

"Lucky you," laughs Bella.

[neverbeatme]

She grins.

[deepest_magic]

"I didn't come perfect out of the box, I have things like being really annoyed when people interrupt me to deal with."

[neverbeatme]

Elizabeth shrugs. "Point in your favour, though: you deal with it."

[deepest_magic]

"Yes. I do."

[neverbeatme]

She laughs.

[deepest_magic]

Bella stretches her arms up above her head. "What do you want to do when you grow up?"

[neverbeatme]

"I'm going to be a mathematician. What do you want to do when you grow up?"

[deepest_magic]

"I'm not sure yet. I want to do something useful for people but I want to do it the best way. The obvious thing is to be a doctor but there might be something better."

[neverbeatme]

"What's 'best' mean?"

[deepest_magic]

"Well, like," says Bella, "lots of people help a few people. Or help a lot of people a little. My dad helps people. People who sell you ice cream are technically helping you. I want to help the most people the biggest amount that I can."

[neverbeatme]

"Why?"

[deepest_magic]

"If I don't they won't get helped," says Bella reasonably.

[neverbeatme]

"But you just said lots of people help people, so...?"

[deepest_magic]

"Right, but not everybody has already been helped all the ways they need to be, and I bet that's still true when I'm grown up," says Bella. "If I don't do whatever I'm going to do, it won't get done. People will still get sold ice cream but maybe then they die of cancer or something."

[neverbeatme]

"Hmm," says Elizabeth.

[deepest_magic]

"What?" laughs Bella.

[neverbeatme]

"Filing that."

[deepest_magic]

"Also I want to be immortal. It's probably easier to figure that out if I'm a doctor than if I decide to be helpful by running a food pantry," Bella muses.